I'm sorry that you think this is a game.

I don't know that I've ever been so hurt. It was almost impossibly hard to see you.
I felt as though you'd torn me inside out. When you left me I didn't even realise you were leaving me. I was in shock for weeks. I still can't stop crying- I just don't do it with everyone watching.
It's been so long since I was open and trusted anyone, but I trusted you. I thought we knew each other. I tried so hard. I wanted things to be ok.The things you said, I believed them all and I really thought things would be ok: you said they would.

I felt that was my only chance to be happy with someone because you accepted me, and I tried real hard to take care of you and show you my feelings. It's been so long, I had begun to have hope. But you left, and I'm really trying hard to cope.

This is not fun. I am not playing.

It's the hardest thing of all for me not to go backward, to be the person I was before, the oblivion is appealing.Self denial is tempting. I want to turn it all off and return to being cold, detached. But I'm trying to hang tight to things I had, things we had, stuff I might've learned. To hold on to the idea that one day it might be possible to be open again. But right now I am impossibly raw, I still can't come to terms with the knowledge that things will not be ok, that we will never be ok.

I can't imagine quite how to stay good, and not to bring down the shutters and close the world out. I want to stay soft and if that makes me vulnerable then I don't care, but it fucking hurts.

I'm sorry I don't live up to expectations, but I am totally broken.