dear j
today I'd really really like to smell you- sniff sniff
and giggle#and have you make silly noises
and nuzzle me
i love you loads an loads
miss you so much
pixie xxx
Monday, 20 July 2009
bitter much?
****** has been deleted on facebook by the only man she's ever trusted enough to move in with.
who she introduced to 4/7 of her siblings.
the only lover who ever met her father.
whose family she went to meet in a foreign country when she ought to be at home going to a funeral.
the first man to take her in all her orifices.
the first man to choke her.
he once called her "fat, lazy & boring in bed".
she must've really loved the dumbass because she spent two more years with him after he said it.
the first man she ever really wanted to marry, has completed his mission to excise her from his existence.
well done alex, I hope you're very happy with the liver sausage.
your friends all hate her.
who she introduced to 4/7 of her siblings.
the only lover who ever met her father.
whose family she went to meet in a foreign country when she ought to be at home going to a funeral.
the first man to take her in all her orifices.
the first man to choke her.
he once called her "fat, lazy & boring in bed".
she must've really loved the dumbass because she spent two more years with him after he said it.
the first man she ever really wanted to marry, has completed his mission to excise her from his existence.
well done alex, I hope you're very happy with the liver sausage.
your friends all hate her.
Sunday, 19 July 2009
the peculiar way in which pain is worse when you're being stood up by someone you shouldn't be longing to see anyway.
the way in which despair seeps into the cracks in your conciousness, crackling like water over ice.
I am an interesting experiment.
Life is the toddler, I am the unfortunate arthropod, and I'm running out of limbs.
the way in which despair seeps into the cracks in your conciousness, crackling like water over ice.
I am an interesting experiment.
Life is the toddler, I am the unfortunate arthropod, and I'm running out of limbs.
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
happy birthday
I went to meet my bloke from the airport yesterday. I haven't seen him for near on four months.
I dressed nice and got up at 5am to meet his flight. He came out of arrivals, through those swing doors with two armed policemen who let me say hello before they took him away. I waited all day trying to find out what was happening and worrying that this third breach of his order would send him to prison. At about 4pm he turned up on my doorstep. Bedraggled smelly and freaked out.
They've tagged him and given him a curfew. He came home for my birthday but couldn't stay with me the night before or my birthday proper ( I wasn't born til nine o clock in the evening, so actually it's not yet).
Now the person who told me I could have a party in their houe (I've invited everyone) is making oh-I'm-not-really-sure noises and my best london girlfriend has announced that shes not coming.
Well she's not alone, because what with the curfew my boyfriend can't come either.
It's been raining pretty much all day, and when I had a wash this morning the whole shower thingy came off the wall into my hands.
I dressed nice and got up at 5am to meet his flight. He came out of arrivals, through those swing doors with two armed policemen who let me say hello before they took him away. I waited all day trying to find out what was happening and worrying that this third breach of his order would send him to prison. At about 4pm he turned up on my doorstep. Bedraggled smelly and freaked out.
They've tagged him and given him a curfew. He came home for my birthday but couldn't stay with me the night before or my birthday proper ( I wasn't born til nine o clock in the evening, so actually it's not yet).
Now the person who told me I could have a party in their houe (I've invited everyone) is making oh-I'm-not-really-sure noises and my best london girlfriend has announced that shes not coming.
Well she's not alone, because what with the curfew my boyfriend can't come either.
It's been raining pretty much all day, and when I had a wash this morning the whole shower thingy came off the wall into my hands.
Thursday, 2 July 2009
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
addendum (ə-ˈden-dəm)
I had a couple drunken revelations this weekend, I think even my therapist was surprised at how much sense they made considering I'd been drinking, smoking and eating tramadol for three days (all the the same time she asks? No, I reply, I'm reckless, not suicidal).
SO they went something like this:
* I am in charge.
I am in charge of what I do in my life. I am not in control of everything, but like the skipper of a small rig in a big ocean, I have my hand firmly on the tiller.
* They are all me.
The grumbling voices of disapproval and negativity that live me my head telling me how shit I am, ad naseum. Pinky, who goes out on binges and is aggressive and passive at the same time, getting herself into all sorts of unpleasant situations. Bad'M' who does interesting if totally immoral things, loves round numbers and always compounds the mess she's made by making sure it's done properly and to her bad, bad specifications. Miss B, who is calm , sensible and warm and contains children's chaos so they can get on and explore.
They, and their conterparts- for there are more believe it or not, are all me. All part of who and what I am, which technically means I should be able to diminish or accentuate thir attributes at will and get them to help me reach my goals (remember the tiller). I need to find a way to build them all into one marvellous M, discarding what I do not need as I go- an amazing construction project!
Last night I had one more, which could be misinterpretted, but since I'm working very hard on making the grumbling voices _shut_up_ I will say it loud and proud;
*God made me, and I am beautiful.
SO they went something like this:
* I am in charge.
I am in charge of what I do in my life. I am not in control of everything, but like the skipper of a small rig in a big ocean, I have my hand firmly on the tiller.
* They are all me.
The grumbling voices of disapproval and negativity that live me my head telling me how shit I am, ad naseum. Pinky, who goes out on binges and is aggressive and passive at the same time, getting herself into all sorts of unpleasant situations. Bad'M' who does interesting if totally immoral things, loves round numbers and always compounds the mess she's made by making sure it's done properly and to her bad, bad specifications. Miss B, who is calm , sensible and warm and contains children's chaos so they can get on and explore.
They, and their conterparts- for there are more believe it or not, are all me. All part of who and what I am, which technically means I should be able to diminish or accentuate thir attributes at will and get them to help me reach my goals (remember the tiller). I need to find a way to build them all into one marvellous M, discarding what I do not need as I go- an amazing construction project!
Last night I had one more, which could be misinterpretted, but since I'm working very hard on making the grumbling voices _shut_up_ I will say it loud and proud;
*God made me, and I am beautiful.
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